Dreams of Reality
by Nara Starr
Summary: Nothing but a paralell view of what could have happened to the evapilots that bravely fought against the angels to save humanity. Very cruel... or maybe very realistic, you judge it...
1. Dreams of reality: I

Disclaimer: Neon Genesis Evangelion isn't mine... it's the creation of the twisted mind of Hideaki Anno n' the Gainax people. However, this story is mine so it would be nice if you read it, especially if you are a melancholic soul in this huge, dark world of strange creatures and lost dreamers looking for a moment to weep like me...

This story, I must say, is not happy or exciting... it is merely the reflection of someone that thought up a more devastating end for those who fought against the angels... I really hope you enjoy this story, written in a moment of pure and absolute sadness...

Nara Starr

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Dreams of Reality 

Part I: Rei 

"I can't stand this any longer"

She stared silently at the blade of the kitchen knife... it's gleam dancing in front of her eyes like a ghost inviting her to death... She pressed the smooth, cold object against her wrist in a diagonal way and waited just a few seconds...

"I'm sorry Ikari-kun... I know I meant something for you in the past, but now I only cause you pain..."

She pulled hard on the blade and closed her eyes as the sudden pain invaded her arm... She stared at the blood for just a second, then she placed the blade under the first cut and prepared...

"I'm sorry Asuka... I know I said or made something that depressed you.... And now, you can't even talk... I'm sorry"

She bit her lip as the blade glided through her arm and prepared itself for a new cut...

"I'm sorry Mayor Katsuragi, Doctor Akagi... Professor Fuyutsuki... I know I am the cause of many problems you have had... I didn't mean it..."

Another cut... she heard the sound of the drops as they fallen on to the floor and became little puddles of pain... Finally, the last cut had come...

"I'm sorry Nagisa-kun... I'm sorry I didn't recognize you sooner... I'm sorry I didn't help you... I'm sorry I deceived you... I'm sorry I ignored you... I'm sorry"

The tears flowed on her face, warm and lively as she made the last cut and dropped the knife to the floor... Silently she stood up and just laid on the bed as the steady dripping of her wrists became a dull sound to her ears. Opening her eyes, she contemplated the full moon as it glowed on her pale and thin body...

"This will be the last time that I stare at the moon... such a wonderful satellite, almost like a dream."

Her eyes closed and more tears started to flow on to her face....

"I wish I'd seen this moon with him, before he died... I abandoned him... I left him to die, and I wasn't even able to say anything as he smiled at me... I always deceive everyone... I make me sick"

Her eyes opened and the moon was no longer there... deep clouds of rain had come and covered the blue glow from her... she started crying again...

"Even the moon has abandoned me... I have nothing now... nothing..."

She closed here eyes once again and fell into an uneasy sleep as she slowly died. In her last dream, she was a puppet being moved by a man in the shadows... She stared at him silently and then at the other puppets around her... Ikari-kun and Asuka... Doctor Akagi, Mayor Katsuragi, Professor Fuyutsuki ... Nagisa-kun... The man that controlled her made her attack them, even though she didn't want to... Slowly she crushed all the puppets around her, crying with every sound of broken wood and falling cord... But when she got to the last puppet, she was not able to attack him... The ropes disappeared form her body and she fell to her knees sobbing, while the last puppet stared at her silently...

"I'm sorry... I didn't meant to... I'm sorry ..."

A hand slipped silently and helped her up as she looked into the eyes of the last angel... He smiled at her and evolved her in a hug...

"Ka... Kaworu..."

When she opened her eyes, dawn was coming and the rain was still falling... the rubbed her eyes but she had no more tears to cry... darkness started to fall around her once more... It was the end...

"Too late to change my mind... I don't exist anymore..."

"Hey Rei!"

She opened her eyes and stared at a smiling fifth child as the sun shone brightly into her bedroom...

"Nagisa-kun?"

"Nagisa? What's up with the formality? Do you have a fever or something? C'mon, we have to get to school early or else we'll get grounded"

She stood up and stared at her room silently... just a normal girl's room... Her wrist had no cuts on and the smell of coffee and waffles came from the kitchen...

"Hey... are you ok? Rei?"

"Am I dead?"

He laughed and helped out of bed as she stared at him amazed

"You are going to be dead if we don't go NOW! Come on now, get up! I made breakfast for the two of us... come on now"

Suddenly she smiled and hugged him so hard he fell to the floor surprised...

"Woah! Wait a sec... what's wrong with you today Rei? Are you feeling fine?"

A grin crossed his face as she looked into his eyes and ran her fingers through his messy gray hair...

"Yes, everything's perfectly fine... after all, it was all a dream... just a nightmare..."

"..._A nightmare, just an awful nightmare..."_

The lifeless body of Rei Ayanami was found on her flat the next morning... no explanation, just two words written on the wall with her blood...

_I'm sorry _

---

Nara: Ok... what do you think???

Trunks: O-o

Lyserg: T-T Poor Rei...

Bakura: O-OU mmmmmm.....

Kaworu: (looks at her) you have been feeling a little blue lately haven't you Nara?

Nara: Maybe... I don't know anymore...

Part 2 coming up, please review...

Nara Starr


	2. Dreams of Reality: II

Disclaimer: Yeah... Eva isn't mine, as you all know... neither is _My Immortal, _that's Evanescence property...

Second part... same story, different character... enjoy... (yes, I love making them suffer)

Nara Starr

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Dreams of Reality 

Part II: Asuka

_/I'm so tired of being here _

_Suppressed by all my childish fears/ _

He entered the room and just stared at her in silence as he always did... She looked so out of place in that huge room, with the fluids and apparatus stuck to her arms like a strange creature... an experiment that had just gone out wrong...

"Asuka"

_/And if you have to leave, I wish that you would just leave _

_Cuz' you're presence still lingers here, _

_and it won't leave me alone/_

He stepped right up to her and sat down on the only chair in the room... his chair, as he was the only one that came to visit her...

"Hey Asuka... It's me, Shinji... I just came by, you know... to tell you about what's been going on... at home..."

The nurses had told him that it was no use talking to her, as she was completely closed out of life... but still he came to visit every day... still he stayed in her room for hours, holding her hand and talking to her, hope shining in his pained eyes...

_/These wounds won't seem to heal,_

_This pain is just too real_

_There's just too much that time cannot erase/_

"Well... Misato is still in rehab after her alcohol intoxication so I'm living alone right now... Yesterday was Rei's funeral... she killed herself about three days ago. Dad was there... he looked really depressed... Hikari called during the week, she wanted to know if you where better... She told me that pen-pen got sick, he swallowed the plastic cap of a bottle, but he's fine now..."

_/When you cry I'd wipe away all of your tears _

_When you scream I'd fight away all of your fears_

_And I've held your hand through all of this years_

_But you still have all of me/_

Her eyes moved under her eyelids in a desperate way... she was having another nightmare... He held her hand tightly and caressed her face with his free hand... it was the only thing he could do for her...

"Asuka... please wake up, I miss you. Leave all of those nightmares behind, come back here... with me... you can't go on like this, you have to wake up... please... you have to fight on... wake up Asuka please!... I need you..."

_/You used to captivate me by your resonating light _

_But now I'm' bound by the life you left behind/_

A doctor had once told him he couldn't go on like that... he had to forget her, as she was lost beyond his grasp... but he had just smiled bitterly and stared at him in silence... such cold eyes... full of resentment and pain...

"I can't give up... not now... I've already lost 2 of my friends, I'm not losing her too..."

_/Your face it haunts my once pleasant dreams _

_Your voice it chased away all the sanity in me/_

He left the hospital by nightfall, he had to go to work...

"I'll come by tomorrow, I promise... Asuka, you have to come back... I know you will, I know... no matter what everyone thinks, I still believe in you..."

_/This wounds won't seem to heal_

_This pain is just too real _

_There's just too much that time cannot erase/ _

That night, death visited the hospital in the way of a nightmare... She ran, trying desperately to wake up... but it was too late for her... too late...

"Shinji!"

_/When you cry I'd wipe away all of your tears _

_When you scream I'd fight away all of your fears _

_And I've held your hand through all of this years _

_But you still have... all of me.../  
_

He arrived to the hospital as usual, but today everything would change... The room was empty, the nurse told him all about the accident... how she had stood up and ripped the apparatus off her arms, fear rising in her... how she had ran out of her room screaming hysterically... how the nurses and doctors had tried to stop her and how she had fought them off one by one... and finally... how she had slipped and fell off the stairs, screaming his name out loud... She had broken her neck... she was dead...

_/I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone _

_And though you're still with me_

_I've been alone all along/_

He skipped work that day... it was just too much...  
"I'm alone now... totally alone... I lost her... it's my fault..." 

_/When you cry I'd wipe away all of your tears_

_When you scream I'd fight away all of your fears_

_And I've held your hand through all of this years _

_But you still have... all of me.../ _

He observed the moon with bitterness, the same moon that had seen Rei die... the same moon that had visited him every night since the first one had passed away... and suddenly it seemed to him that someone was there with him... someone he knew well, someone he missed too...

"Shinji"

Nothing but an illusion, nothing but a whisper of the wind... they where all gone...

---  
Nara: Comments?

Trunks: O-o

Lyserg: T-T

Bakura: O-OU

Nara: Is that all you can say?

Kaworu: Why do you have to be so cruel?

Nara: (shrugs) dunno... that's just me...

Last part coming... hope you enjoy it...


	3. Dreams of Reality: III

Disclaimer: Eva isn't mine... this story is though, read it...

Last part... don't expect some unexpected turn to a happy ending... if you want a happy ending, read some other of my stories, written in a non-depressed moment... thankyou...

Nara Starr

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Dreams of Reality

Part III: Shinji 

He closed his umbrella and stared at the rainbow that shone brightly above his head... so colorful for such a place...

"Hey guys... I'm back..."

he stared at the three gravestones in silence, each one with a simple rose on them... pink, white, red... in that order...

"I'm sorry I hadn't visited in so long... I had to work..."

The red rose slipped off the gravestone and fell on his feet. He kneeled down and picked it up, putting it back in it's place... such a beautiful color...

"I only bought this flowers for you... I'm out of money, just have enough to pay for the gravestone and my meal..."

He read the gravestone in silence and smiled at the memories that the name gave him... such a nice person... such a fatal end...

**Shoyru Asuka Langley**

**2000-2016**

"Asuka... guess what? Pen-pen is back at the house, Misato went to fetch him last week... she's much better now, no alcohol in the house... but she's started smoking... I don't know what to do with her..."

He stared at the gravestone with the pink rose... He'd always felt guilty about her death, he had been to busy working to care about her at all... It was a week after the first funeral that he had tried to get close to her, to help her... but it was too late... she was dead, and he couldn't help her...

**Rei Ayanami**

**2000-2016**

"Rei... I know I tell you this every time I come, it probably has lost it's meaning by now... but I'm sorry, I really am... Dad came here last month, I don't know if you remember... he left for Russia and hasn't come back... the government wants him dead... because of all that has been discovered of Nerv... So ironic, now he's the one that's running away..."

He looked at the last gravestone, the one that was in between the two girls... It was the only one that had something written on it, apart from the name and date... It was also the only one that was empty... because there was no body to bury...

**Kaworu Nagisa**

**2000-2014**

**"Human hope is paired with sorrow"**

"Kaworu... even though it happened three years ago, I still miss you too much. You really helped me, you gave me the strength I needed... to kill you... I'm sorry I ever doubted of your friendship... you where the only friend I ever had..."

Suddenly, he realized what he had said...

"Uh... I mean... you are also my friends Rei and Asuka... or at least you where... uh... I think I messed up, I'm sorry... I tend to do that."

He pulled open his umbrella as the rain started to fall once again and stood up...

"About a week ago I received a call from Hikari... She told me that Toji had just died from an infection... he was about to leave the hospital for good... The funeral was yesterday, but I wasn't able to go... however I'm buying a new gravestone for him, you know... I've decided to put it next to yours Rei, as Asuka never had the best relationship with him... So, soon he'll be here with you, somehow... you'll finally get to meet him Kaworu, if you haven't met him yet...

Anyway, I have to go guys... it's my turn to prepare dinner tonight... Misato is expecting me..."

He turned to go and for one second he thought they where there, under the cherry tree that was planted on the entrance of the graveyard... Rei with the white dress in which she was found dead... Asuka on her blue hospital robe and Kaworu with his school uniform... they smiled at him, he smiled back as the vision faded away, leaving the cherry tree lonely and the rain crashing against it's leaves...

"I'll come back tomorrow... hopefully I'll have enough money to buy more than three roses..."

Slowly he walked away from his friends, thinking about the new gravestone to be installed...

"Now I am... the only Pilot that is still alive..."

**Toji Suzahara**

**2000-2017**

Three weeks later, the gravestone of Toji Suzahara was installed in the graveyard. Just one week after that, Shinji Ikari was walking home from visiting his friends when he was hit by a car that had lost it's brakes.

Some say that he just didn't saw the car coming. Others say that he stood on the street for too long, because he wanted to die... no matter what really happened everyone agrees that when he was killed, he was smiling like he'd never smiled before...

**Shinji Ikari**

**2000-2017**

**"Everything is just a shape"**

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Nara: Finally, the story is over... any comment?

Trunks: O-o... you saddist...

Lyserg: T-T so sad...

Bakura: O-OU Uh... Nara... we love you ok? And if you need to talk to us, don't doubt on doing it...

Kaworu: No comment... only you can judge yourself Nara, and this story is just a reflection of your soul... however, we appreciate the fact that you let us read it and by this understand a bit more of how you feel...

Nara: thanks... I was just expecting a "U SICK PSYCHO!" but this was far better...

Thank you for reading this story, it means a lot to me...

Nara Starr


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